Make Time Agree

Yes, I do not believe in the greatly accepted version of god which according to you may make me an atheist, but I would not go as far as to call myself that, because, even though I do not believe in the generalized definition of the force that holds us together, I do believe in the force. In my worst times I have noticed that I feel this numbness, this sudden calm that flows through me, allowing me to "sleep"...it comes very suddenly and I lose all my energy and go into a trance like state that is almost like sleep. I say almost because I can still feel the embarrassment , I am still thinking all the while, but my mind is working, it is just physically that I rest. Sure, some might mock and say that its exhaustion...but when you think about it, sometimes when you are given devastating news, do you not have to hold on to something so that you do not fall? Is that exhaustion too? But why? A moment ago you were fine...

I have two theories, one may have to do with the other or it may not....It may not be true at all, but it is possible, you may not believe me, but then there are a lot of things you believe that I believe are wrong, so I don’t judge people, I suggest you don’t too and that you try to keep an open mind. Well, I do not believe that it is right to hurt someone knowingly and then ask for the gods forgiveness...This is not my concept but I do believe that if you have done something wrong...it will come back to you...it is very basic Karma, now what I do believe is that it’s all a mental thing....I believe, that it is our belief that is responsible for our punishments, it is because we believe that we will be punished for what we have done, that we get punished, in fact, mostly we punish ourselves unknowingly...Maybe you understand this, maybe you don’t....What is the concept of the conscience? We don’t feel right after doing something wrong? Well, is that not some sort of a punishment? You will never be at peace with yourself until you make right what you have done wrong.

Next, I believe that feelings fit into a class of energy, and the total energy of the universe remains constant, I think we can  vaguely associate that with happiness and sorrow...There is an exact amount of each in the universe, every person has his or her share of it...which is why not everyone can be happy at the same time and not everyone can be sad at the same time, there is not enough of each for all of us....One can observe the balance, every person is going to be happy for some time and sad for some time, there is no luck, it is a science, distribution of energy.

Both these concepts talk to me and make me believe that if I BELEIVE according to my first concept, in my second one....surely I should not have much more sorrow in the coming years...I have had quite a large share have I not? Then will the rest of my life be joyful in entirety? Time will unravel if this concept is true or otherwise, because, I do believe.