And i quote, then Deviate.

And i Quote: "Yes ! I am a girl.... I push doors that clearly say PULL... I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing.... I walk into a room and forget why I was there....I count on my fingers in math... I hide the pain from my loved ones.... I say it is a long story when it's really not.... I care about people who don't care about me..... I try to do things before the microwave beeps!! I listen to you even when you don't listen to me..... And a hug will always help..... Yes, I'm a girl!!!!! ♥ Re-post if you're proud to be one :D I AM PROUD 2 B A GAL..!"

I'm not going to ask why the person who posted this is trying to set women back by 20 years, she portrays women to be blind, incoherent, forgetful, stupid, liars, good at taking orders and desperate for some physical interaction. Now I'm pretty sure I am offended by this, but what affects me more is that she isn't the only one, the constant awareness to all the filth around me is wearing me out, few people have the ability to see things the way they really are and to acknowledge it, people do not have the ability to look beyond what is directly presented to them. When i come across things like this i realise how doomed i am, how totally stuck i am in this rut, the rut of bimbo's and middle aged men, of what is next.

I quote a  friend when i say "Nature is trying to rid itself from the human disease, so its making people stupider so they can't survive. WE? We are an endangered species, and we Will die out, we are being weeded out right now, in the beginning, so that the human race stands no chance." He is right, people like us, our imagination is being crushed by the mass, we never follow our goals, instead we become part of the rat race, with all the other idiots. It is the end, the end everyone predicted, but an end no one could have ever imagined, and we? who could have made a difference, choose the blue pill.

Mutterings

So that is what my average day has come down to? Being stuck in a hot, stuffy, colourless classroom built to quell any ambition and innovation? We live in a world where most innovators, the greatest ones, have dropped out of classes, yet we still carry on with this pointless charade in the name of education, when we all know, that all the work we will ever do, is going to be for someone else, any amount of hard work you put in, your “boss” will be cashing in on. See how they build our institutions, concrete, tall, inescapable with windows, that lead you to think that, maybe, just maybe, you will be different from the others you grudgingly surround yourself with, but then, then they yell at you, make you look away, and draw the curtains. The “good” boys and girls don’t ever look out, they pay attention to the endless drone, but I think they are just afraid, afraid to look out because that involves confronting themselves, funny how people run away from confrontation, the lengths that they would go to lie to themselves, tell themselves that what they dreamt of, as a child, was unrealistic. Villains, they profit, they profit from this inability of the weak to know and get what they really want, very smart, the way they use us, need us, and still manage to make us feel grateful as if they did us a favour, if they hadn’t taken us in, we’d still be chasing those dead end dreams and ambitions, doing bad things, wrong things. Remember? The shows where the cartoon character ran from a fire that always caught up with him and then it’d run around in circles, screaming? That was funny to all of us then, the pain and the torture it went through, this whole Situation? It’s funny to me now.

minions of the mindless kind

People like us, People like me, and maybe, even people like you, always end up getting a raw deal, a good citizen of a developing nation, an honest man amidst all the corruption, a quiet person, a good person, so as to speak...while all those rats and perverts are looting us not only of the taxes we pay, but also with bribes, we, the so called good people slink away, looking for a better place to go to, away from the mediocrity, away from the developing nation. The ones who do escape lead a “good life”, a life without being subject to molestation when commuting in a local train, a world where one does not need a special compartment for women to feel safe, a world where there are honest good people, well at least till the moment the corrupt get there and ruin it, take your hard earned money, steal your peace of mind and leave you high and dry. All people like me, and maybe you, can do is slink away, stand in the mediocrity and wait for some force to ally yourself with, to bring this system down, to make a change, yet even as I say this, I know it’s a losing battle to fight, there are too many of them, too few of us, and the mindless mass is fickle, swinging both ways, forever looking for an idea of what they are supposed to think, what they are supposed to do. The moral education in school that you learnt about the “conscience”, have a conscience, they said. A conscience, an amazing concept, don’t you think, do it if you feel right about it, more often than not, it is quelled by brain washing, we know, we always knew, that we were brothers, not enemies as the made us, but by just seeding the idea of contempt, they made enemies of us, and stupid people, until today, support that rift, oh idiots, such idiots, forever searching for what they should think, stupidity of the society, keep on inbreeding, they say, it’s wrong not to, keep inbreeding till the day we are deformed and all are made idiots of too. Don’t think for yourself, follow the beliefs we had, they say, anything new is bad, anything new, is a sin, they say, and we, we keep our heads down, walk along, the ones who dare to look up see the possibility of a different world, a world where they can escape, at least for a while, the rest, the rest are good people, hardworking people, minions of the corrupt.

gieya

LIGEIA, her parents named her, a beautiful baby with the tightest little curls, and bronze skin the texture of silk, as she grew older she was found sneaking around the house, like a spy, creeping about like there were enemies she had to save her mother from. As a child, her behaviour was found to be endearing, but as she grew, less people seemed to think her to be cute. Ligeia was named when her mother was very obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe tales, her mother, thinking it to be an  unique name for her little unique baby, named her so...

By the age of 13 everyone was sure that Ligeia was indeed unique, very creative and intriguing was her behaviour, so much that her mother decided that she be taken to a “specialist”, to run some tests...that specialist was surely good, as Ligeia, then on started behaving like a normal child should, she was a normal smart unique child now, she was now acceptable by the society, she was now just another menace...

Or was she? Well, as she grew older, she was only more accepted, she was popular and she was that, in every sense a mediocre girl would be, she cared nothing for the rest of the world, she would love to be the center of attention and to create situations where people would...lets just say, “appreciate” her.

She is too old now, to allow me to narrate her life, her fate no longer lies in my pen, it is---

Hello, im Gia...

There are two things i know for sure. One,  if you are better than others, you will go to therapy, and two, someone is out to get you, to get me and to get every one in your family, and it is your job to keep them safe.

There are too many monsters out there, and if you are not mediocre, they will destroy you, the only thing one can do to fight it, is go undercover, play from the shadows. I knew, the moment the shrink showed me those “pictures” that i had to keep the real me a secret, and the best way to go undercover, is to stay in the spotlight.

I am an agent, an agent who inspires people, who controls and feeds people, and who punishes people who are bad...even my own mother, even her they got to...they manipulated her  and turned her against me when i was 5, so what if i wanted things!!!i deserve them!! I am honour, i am beauty, i am what men love...and most of all, i am better than you!!!

All you people, so ugly on the inside, i will crush you all, and when in my palm lays your heart, is when i will move on, move on to the next one of you, and every one of you i will get to, and everyone of you will die, everyone of you will learn my name, and worship my beauty and elegance, and wish to be like me, but you don’t compare yourself to me, i am your goddess!!!

Untitled

White sheets, a hard bed, the typical smell, she rememnered the last time she was there, it was about 8 months back and her father had been in the same ICU, she hated it, she hated all of it....If she left, he wouldnt even realize...The doctors had already said that he could stay in this state for minutes,hours, years....She missed him...This was all her fault...If only.....
She could leave...but she would not....if only....

A good days haul, he thought to himself as he ran home with all of his loot...dad would be happy, he would drink well tonight, and maybe he would get some good food tonight...hm...tandoori chicken maybe? Then maybe, if paapa was in a good mood..he could take tommorow off, and play with rukmini...he had a thing for her...she was so pretty....

It was killing him....my god!! That man did not deserve that....When the small kid had snatched his case...The look of pure despair stayed on his face for exactly two minutes..then it was gone...and in its place a look of pure decision...When the train left the station...he had this feeling...the look on the mans face was very strange, and then...he jumped...and another train came on the other line...What if...

He waited there with her, holding her hand...stroking it softly....They just sat in the hospital..In a way, he wondered whether this was a boon...he had always loved her, always wanted her, and now that HE had gone, she may be his...this is what he had wanted for the last 12 years..NO!! he said to himself....thinking that way was wrong...she needed him right now...how could he think that way when she was so devastated...but he always had wondered, what it would be like....

Thats right...it was almost over...he was dying happy, he had provided for his wife, made the life of a small slum kid for a day, left the path open for Her friend...sure, she would miss him, for a while...but she would not be alone....and with that thought, he took his last breath and jumped....no regrets..none at all....

so much for brothers...

It’s very unfortunate that two brothers, that were never before considered two separate entities now want nothing more than to stomp over the others spirit and existence. I understand rivalry. I get wanting to come off as winners, really, I do... but when cheers are more discouraging to the opposing team rather than encouraging to our own, and when the need to win against the rival is far greater than winning the ultimate cup, one must acknowledge the ability of the catalyst that managed to turn a relationship that was once happy and complete into one involved only in massacre and spilling of blood. Even only to rub it in their faces, reconcile and learn to exist in peace.

And that was all they ever were...

After calling her his entire vocabulary of the foulest adjectives,  he turned to look at the scenery and gave himself a small smile...he had shown her her place, he felt brave, proud of himself...especially since his little slum “friend” had not said anything back to him, he was strong, and everybody knew that...he was strong, just like his dad was, just like all men should be...the local train whose door he was hanging out of was full of women who needed to be shown their real place in society, the men who were supposed to control them were weak, like his dad always said, women were for the sole purpose of staying at home, taking care of kids, having kids, and for the pleasure of their husbands, and if they don’t do this small little role assigned to them, they should be forced too, if they don’t do their work on their own, it’s part of our job as men to make them, and if nothing else, a good beating induces fear, it helps control, it helps remind who the boss is. As for Resham...she was nothing, he would grow up to do to her, what his dad did to his mom. Well, both Resham and his mom had it coming, how dare they refuse to do something that their men ask them to do? What is the point in feeding them then? Why should we men give them any shelter? Let them rot on the footpath! That’s their real place!

He was lost in these thoughts when resham sat down next to the door...He had just asked her to go inside...he felt a little happy, she had given him a chance to show her, she had challenged his authority, with that thought he kicked he as hard as he could in the gut and watched her double up, he smiled and was about to speak his mind when he felt a rush of heat to his cheek followed by a sharp pain...he realised, he had just been slapped! He looked up to see a woman saying something...some, words, he didn’t care, he was starting to boil...he had never been this insulted!!! By a woman! How did she expect to get away with this??? In all his white rage he swung a blow at her stomach, that was as high as he could go...with all his strength, but she grabbed his hand and lay another one of the slaps that sent searing pain up his cheek, he was shocked! No woman had the guts to be able to do that to a man! The train slowed down, she was still speaking, she had left his hand a long time back, but he didn’t realise anything, he was deep in his brain washed head, looking for an appropriate answer to the occurrence...never once hand his mom hit him back when he hit her, nor had Resham...all women he knew and had been in contact had accepted being beaten up as part of their life, this was impossible!

The woman got off at the station the train had halted at... he was still lost in his thought. The single thought of women being inferior and it’s branched out toughtlets. He didn’t even realise that the train had picked up speed, when he did, he leaned out the door and used his limited vocabulary again, then he stopped, turned to see Resham staring at him with wide eyes, adrenaline started to pump again and filled him up, he threw herself on her and stated crushing, elbowing, punching, slapping, clawing at her, he spat on her, punched her so hard in the stomach he was pretty sure he felt her spine hit his knuckles,  punched her so hard in the face that at once, a stream of red gushed out her nose, that helped him, he clawed at her face till it started oozing out blood too...he was enjoying it all so much that he did not hear the screaming, the yelling, the ruckus around him...soon, too soon, he was pulled off her thrown onto the platform, everybody was surrounding Resham...he was still angry, as he got up and pushed off the station, without anybody realizing, one thought stuck, he was not done yet.

But Hey, That's Just Me.

They say im lucky and that i should make most of what i have...yes, i agree, i have it good, and i should make most of what i have, but the reason they give is wrong...Just because i was born lucky(which i had no control over) does not mean that they can say, "you dont know what its like, you have everything!!",
everyone should fight, make the best of what they were given....You cannot live of sympathy because you do not have an arm, it may sound harsh, but there are people who have made it big even when they are not as well endowed as the rest...its all about the spirit you have, if you feel sorry for yourself and wallow in it...you will always be sad and unhappy...You are what you make yourself to be, there are so many spoilt kids that you see, lying on the sidewalk...in tattered branded clothes because they  did not make the best out of it...they chose bad habits over hard work...

no one in the world has it easy, everyone has to work hard... and if you dont have it in you, then be happy the way you are, think about the luck you have, every night you sleep under the stars, under a lush green tree...it is something that many people would want but cannot have....

Talking to myself...

She liked waking up to the warm feeling of the sun on her face, she always did like the sun and hated it when her "friends"(who claimed to know her oh-so-well) his themselves from the sun because they'd become a shade or two darker- such silly things some girls worried about...like, for instance, the house across the street...so it was abandoned, that does not mean its haunted....right? But then again, what stops it from being haunted?

She always saw things from every angle possible...so she went out with her coffee, sat on the ledge of her balcony and tried to find a sign of life in the old, poorly maintained home of "spirits”. She was in a very strange mood today, looking at the house she realized that she had never really considered the existence of these so called ghosts, that’s hardly fair, she had not even considered that as an option...so, if she believed that ghosts did exist, and there was an afterlife...so what? Would she go around scaring people just for the sake of it? That’s not the type of person she was, but what about a person who does really enjoy that...then what? Yes, they'd probably scare people...but would some stupid human realize in the end that that is indeed the way of life? Or after life? Why is it so hard for humans to grasp things and let go of their old beliefs, which brings me to what she believed in, why was it so hard for anyone to accept the idea that they would cease to exist, that that was it...you lived and now you are dead...there is no after life, no spirits, no heaven or hell...it’s the ultimate end and there is nothing beyond it...

Make Time Agree

Yes, I do not believe in the greatly accepted version of god which according to you may make me an atheist, but I would not go as far as to call myself that, because, even though I do not believe in the generalized definition of the force that holds us together, I do believe in the force. In my worst times I have noticed that I feel this numbness, this sudden calm that flows through me, allowing me to "sleep"...it comes very suddenly and I lose all my energy and go into a trance like state that is almost like sleep. I say almost because I can still feel the embarrassment , I am still thinking all the while, but my mind is working, it is just physically that I rest. Sure, some might mock and say that its exhaustion...but when you think about it, sometimes when you are given devastating news, do you not have to hold on to something so that you do not fall? Is that exhaustion too? But why? A moment ago you were fine...

I have two theories, one may have to do with the other or it may not....It may not be true at all, but it is possible, you may not believe me, but then there are a lot of things you believe that I believe are wrong, so I don’t judge people, I suggest you don’t too and that you try to keep an open mind. Well, I do not believe that it is right to hurt someone knowingly and then ask for the gods forgiveness...This is not my concept but I do believe that if you have done something wrong...it will come back to you...it is very basic Karma, now what I do believe is that it’s all a mental thing....I believe, that it is our belief that is responsible for our punishments, it is because we believe that we will be punished for what we have done, that we get punished, in fact, mostly we punish ourselves unknowingly...Maybe you understand this, maybe you don’t....What is the concept of the conscience? We don’t feel right after doing something wrong? Well, is that not some sort of a punishment? You will never be at peace with yourself until you make right what you have done wrong.

Next, I believe that feelings fit into a class of energy, and the total energy of the universe remains constant, I think we can  vaguely associate that with happiness and sorrow...There is an exact amount of each in the universe, every person has his or her share of it...which is why not everyone can be happy at the same time and not everyone can be sad at the same time, there is not enough of each for all of us....One can observe the balance, every person is going to be happy for some time and sad for some time, there is no luck, it is a science, distribution of energy.

Both these concepts talk to me and make me believe that if I BELEIVE according to my first concept, in my second one....surely I should not have much more sorrow in the coming years...I have had quite a large share have I not? Then will the rest of my life be joyful in entirety? Time will unravel if this concept is true or otherwise, because, I do believe.

"Winds of Change"

They keep talking of these "winds of change" that they see coming, I
don’t see it. One doesn't need to go far. Just outside of this
box of a home you "own", there is  another box, with the same old
story, no change, no development. Even if you do root for a change, the
voice of a "well wisher" will try to change your mind, and you will let go of
what you believe, to adopt what they believe in. At a younger age,
when i was more optimistic, i would have never thought of writing
whatever this is, i was a fresh feminist of sorts, with no ideals except
one; that all are entitled to what they want to believe in. Funny how
4 years outside of that 'protective environment' changes you for life,
turns you from your faith in the abstract, or at least, leads you to not
count on it. The existence is debatable and has been debated on, but
the beauty of it is; that there is no proof either way. I for one
believe that it will all, more or less, turn out the way one believes
it to turn out. 4 years of exposure, it took, to make me give up on
society, and I didn't put up much of a fight, now i lay, in the words of a dear friend, suspended amidst all the mediocrity of the "society", of
"mankind", of the "human-beingness" of it all. Change that, he says.
But why? Am i not satisfied right now? Am i not content with the
knowledge that this failure of a society is all i will ever be exposed
to? All i will ever be a part of? In future, when a more knowledgeable
species has taken over, will i not be part of that society? No
mark left by me will ever be great enough to talk forever of how i was
not like them. I was, even if ever so slightly, better than them, a
better animal.

I can think of no filthier word than 'human being" and its synonyms.
It sickens me to be part of it, i do not wish to escape, mind you, i
just wish to be differentiated, but what did i ever do that was so
great? Smarter people than me have tried and failed. Well, one can
always wish.

I feel my body reject the mediocrity, just like the society frowns upon
me. It can be compared to an organ transplant gone bad. The only
sanctuary i find, is in my mind, of which no one else is part of, not
even I know all that goes on in there.

I look outside my window and i see it all, i see what i am part of,
what i will live my life in and what i will disappear rejecting. I see
a semi-naked man misusing a beautiful, completely clad woman. I see
society.

Duck is Heads cuz Ducks have Heads...

"I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"
so we all know how awesome FRIENDS is...A lot of my friends are under the impression that the epic series is about Friendship, sure it is..all of the characters do value friendship, but it is when people suggest that friendship was what was most important is when i begin to go against the popular opinion. Let me ask you, how many times has Joey ditched Chandler for a girl? Now i do not say that Joey does not care about his Friend, it may however be the case that Joey knows Chandler will understand...This situation, however is different from when Chandler lied to Joey to spend time with Monica, that is ok, because they were in love, there is no comparison between the two relationships, because anyday, Monica is more important to Chandler, and Joey, being the great Friend that he is, understands that.
That is a series, i have observed however that in the "real world", Friends refuse to register this particular fact and are unable to let go, blessed i am with an amazing friend who does not need such petty reassurances of our friendship and can be awesome even if we met after ages, this however is not the case with most people, some of my other friends have not fared so well in the department...so moral of this para is that let your friends live, do not expect yourself to be the most important person in anyone's life, and if you do, please do not confront them, just keep it to yourself.  :)

Edgar Allen Poe Much?

"Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend," I shrieked,
upstarting-
"Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken!- quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my
door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the
floor; 
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted- nevermore!




this is from possibly my favourite poems of all time...Edgar Allen Poe's Raven, Poem talks about this creepy loneliness that he faces when he has time to himself, the tiny little details he keeps adding which seem insignificant to the plot of the poem but very much adding to its mystifying aura. All poets have their style, Poe's style appeals the most to me.

DoodleDee DoodleDum

Well these are my doodles, i pretty much do them everywhere, on t shirts, cards, notes, question papers, notebooks blah blah, its takes a long time but you dont even realize when its done...

Doggies!

so, here is their story, the first two pictures are of Takla-ma-kan(in gujrati it means ears on baldie) well, he gets his name because when we rescued him, from CBD Belapur, all his hair had been pulled off and he was bitten all over by other dogs, probably because of his feisty personality, so when we brought him home to nashik all there was was his bald body, and two large ears...

the third picture is of Naake, meaning nose(He had a lot of spots on his nose back then), he is the youngest and has the softest personality, one sunny day he wandered into our backyard where he was grabbed by the other two dogs and then? mom n me to the rescue!! He survived, and stayed.

The last picture is of Jhemluness meaning Crazyness, he used to stay on a farm, this one morning the "owner" woke up late and found that his breakfast had been eaten by Moti the pup(moti being Jhemlu's former name, which was changed for obvious reasons), so he decided to kill cotu...Then? Family To The Rescue!! of all my dogs, this guy has the most attitude, and style.

Is Dance Dying?

So that is my mom, she is an amazing dancer and dance teacher, but it seems to me that her students are carrying out their parents dream of dancing than their own, one mother wanted her kid to learn not for the sake of knowledge, but to show off her daughter in different festivals, another wants her kid to learn because she never could(its never too late), while fusions and spin offs ruin the idea of the art form that is Bharatanatyam, the few expert dancers that do remain try to save the original traditional dying art form. The other day on "so you think you can dance" a Bharatanatyam performance was observed which was just so incorrect and unappealing, the expert choreographer and dancer had their mistakes pointed out by the judge who knew little of the dance form, all that he said was true, but the point is that he knew more about the art form than most Dancers who call themselves experts in the field. We need Quality Control.

My New Hobby/Obsession

So i started doing this embroidery, its awfully time consuming but once i finish it, its going to be epic, the entire border(and this is incomplete) requires 14 such patches and a single one takes about half and hour, the circle is the more traditional design. Stuff we do to make us less common place huh?

My Sorting Hat Song..

a year i had, to learn and think
to put a message in a way it sinks,
into those young and wary minds,
who look for knowledge and are kind,
for as the evil power grows,
and evil minds will reach new lows,
the only thing that'll keep you going,
is your clean conscience and kindness growing.

now to address the matter at hand,
the nature and will make them land,
in the 4 houses will new family form,
and bonds strong will form in their dorms,
if brave and loyalty are your traits,
then the lion awaits your presence mate,
if you pride very much learning and wit,
with the creative and intelligent you will sit,
if hard work scares no part of you,
then just and fair are your traits too,
and lastly i talk ambitious and cunning,
remember that you are here for learning.

the gold and scarlet for nerve it stands,
if you have it, then in gryffindor you land,
godric welcomes you under his realm,
as he too had all the same dreams.
in ravenclaw if you be,
special is they way you see,
if wit beyond measure is your greatest treasure
rowena will take you in with pleasure.
if you dont be afraid of toil,
and will not others plans foil,
play fair and be loyal and just,
helena's ways you must trust.
and lastly where ambition grows,
resourcefulness here over flows;
salazar's choice was pure of blood,
whose line was free from all the mud.

so my advice to you this year,
there is always evil and something to fear,
but stick close and be kind,
a way to overcome the fear you will find.